I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
