I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
