one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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