so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
