So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
