He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
