My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
