i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
