I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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