can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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