dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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