So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.