I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
