next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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