I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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