I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
