: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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