with your own penis?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
BRING THE BAGELS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
