I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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