Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
