I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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