tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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