I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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