Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
