He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You've changed since you got that strap on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
