I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
