My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
