I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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