Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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