I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
