It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
