First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
