Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
