Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She needs sedatives and a leash
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
