My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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