Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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