i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
