cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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