Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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