So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
