Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We need a shit load of segways right now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
