So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
