I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
