I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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