Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
