Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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