the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
