I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
