If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
