I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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