So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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