he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
not ubering you a puppy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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