Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
