I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
