Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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