I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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