They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
