My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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