Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
