I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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