When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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