I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
