should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize