so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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