Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You can't special order awesome
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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