What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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