Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
