don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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