Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
