Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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