you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
