i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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