im having a threesome with these popsicles
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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